When you drive a Tesla, just about everything else on road is a piece of crap

In trying to keep my 2015 Tesla Model S ding free, I usually park far away from the entrance of stores, as I did when I shopped a one-day sale on wine at Whole Foods Market in Paramus, N.J., above.

By VICTOR E. SASSON
EDITOR

On the way into Whole Foods Market the other day, I saw one of those enormous GMC Yukons that seemed to be wedged in between two other vehicles in the parking lot.

I wondered whether the overweight, middle-aged white guy behind the wheel of the gas guzzler could open the driver's door without dinging the far smaller vehicle next to him.

After I bought a zero-emissions Tesla Model S in April and started enjoying all of its great features -- including its exclusivity -- I started thinking of just about everything else on the road as so many pieces of crap.

What else can you say about gasoline- and diesel-powered cars that use antiquated technology to fill the air with fumes that are slowly killing people and noise that hounds them to their deaths?

I still have a lot of affection for the pioneering Toyota Prius, the gas-electric hybrid I drove from 2004-15 (I owned four, one of which we still have).

And I smile when I see a Nissan Leaf, BMW i3 or other all-electric vehicle. I've actually seen one Mercedes-Benz B Class with a Tesla drivetrain.

But I'm so disappointed the other German companies won't have any purely electric cars for another five years or more.

How arrogant.

Most of the controls and switches in the Tesla Model S are accessible on a large touch screen, which links the driver to the Internet.  And so is the owner's manual. Unlike a Mercedes-Benz I drove recently, you cannot turn off Tesla's back-up camera, but you can turn it on while driving, especially useful when you are changing lanes.

Too much noise

All of those shiny new Mercedes-Benzes, Audis, BMWs and Volkswagens, especially the performance models with loud mufflers, are so annoying.

And some of the biggest, priciest and most piggish Mercedes-Benzes earn poor marks from Consumer Reports when it comes to reliability.

Another thing that drives me crazy are all those TV commercials that show cars moving at insane speeds on race tracks or across desserts.

Did you see the Infiniti commercial showing a woman backing up the 400-horsepower, bus-like Q80 SUV over deep mountain snow?

Too bad it didn't go over the edge, and take the model behind the wheel with it.

I recently drove a Mercedes sedan, the $40,000 C300, and was shocked by the harsh ride and complexity of interior controls:

Levers, wheels, toggle switches and more, and a back-up camera that can be turned off! 

When I pulled the owner's manual out of the glove box, I learned that I would have to refer to a second manual to find out how to turn on the camera.

Near-silent running

You just can't beat a Tesla for its incredible speed from a standstill with no fuss, muss or noise. The Model S seems to just leap ahead.

Forget about the 0-60 mph time, which the automotive media obsess over.

In the suburban driving I do in northern New Jersey, 0-25 mph, 0-35 mph and 0-40 mph rule the road, and the Model S outperforms nearly everything else.

Is it my imagination that many other drivers want to race the Model S or just annoy me by tailgating?

I took advantage of a free-coffee promotion at a new Wawa in Hackensack, N.J.

Property taxes continue to climb for homeowners in Hackensack, where residents are saddled with three large tax-exempt entities, including Hackensack University Medical Center.

Boring Buick

On Tuesday, Tony DiSalle, U.S. vice president of Buick and GMC marketing, was scheduled to speak to members of the International Motor Press Association in midtown Manhattan.

I'm a member, but I skipped the program, which included free cocktails and a sumptuous buffet lunch, because what could DiSalle possibly say about the most boring car line in America?

Your father's Buick (a 1959 Electra 225 Riviera) was a knockout by the standards of the 1950s, but probably got 10 mpg and fell apart in a frontal crash, impaling the driver on the rigid steering column. 

'The charging regime'

I was struck by the accuracy of statements from Jeff Knight of the CAP Black Book in the United Kingdom on the lifestyle of a Tesla Model S owner.

As reported by EV Obsession and Gas2 blogs, Knight said:

"Many Tesla owners alter their lifestyle to fit the charging regime, because they are that passionate about the benefits of their vehicle.

"People clearly love this vehicle, which means it holds its value. 

"For anyone looking to buy an executive car with green credentials, but can handle the charging regime, a Tesla is one of the smartest investments in today's market."

Amen.

On vacation in the Model S: A 'faster' Tesla Supercharger shortens our return trip

On our return to New Jersey on Tuesday, we stopped at the Colonie Center, above, a mall outside Albany, N.Y., to charge our Tesla Model S 60 for the third and final leg of the trip. My Tesla app reported a charge rate of 221 miles per hour -- much faster than another Supercharger we used when we stopped at the same mall on the way to a Montreal vacation. 

By VICTOR E. SASSON
EDITOR

Not all Tesla Superchargers are created equal.

At the Colonie Center, a mall outside Albany, N.Y., we used two of the six free Superchargers on our vacation, and found one dramatically slower than the other.

On June 27, on the way to Montreal, the initial charge rate of the Supercharger I used was only 84 miles per hour, according to the Tesla app on my smart phone.

On Tuesday, on the way home to New Jersey, the Supercharger I used was blindingly fast at an initial charge rate of 221 miles per hour.

Both Superchargers slowed during the time I was plugged in.

But on Tuesday, we left the Colonie Center in under 45 minutes -- including 30 minutes for the charge and the rest to have soup, brown rice and coffee at the nearby Whole Foods Market, and use the bathroom.

That was about half of the time we spent at the same mall on the way to Montreal.

At Whole Foods Market in Colonie, N.Y., I combined two soups -- Vegan Mushroom Barley and Vegetarian Split Pea -- in the same 16-ounce cup for $5.99. A smaller cup of brown rice was $3.99 ($8.49 a pound).

My wife tried a free sample of spicy sausage in a bun at Whole Foods.

On Monday morning, as we headed for the Basin Harbor Club in Vergennes, Vt., we found ourselves behind a Cabot Cheese truck on two-lane roads, and passed dairy farms where cattle were grazing.

Roads less traveled

On our vacation, which ended Tuesday evening, we didn't avoid interstate highways completely, but managed to miss crowded service areas and their long and smelly bathroom and gas-pump lines.

After we left the Basin Harbor Club in Vergennes, Vt., where we stayed overnight and charged our Model S, we rolled through small towns and past one dairy farm after another on Route 22 south.

Then, we headed west on another two-lane road, Route 4 into New York State, and took that to the Thruway and the village of Colonie, N.Y., where we charged the car for the final leg of our 360-mile trip.

Details

Basin Harbor Club, 4800 Basin Harbor Road, Vergennes, Vt.; 1-800-622-4000. Two Tesla Connectors available 24/7.

Find Tesla's Destination Charging Network here:

Destination Charging at hotels, resorts and malls

The imposing library in Swanton, Vt.

The U.S.-Canadian border.

We had to call Tesla Motors in Paramus, N.J., to find out how to turn off Range Assurance, the navigation tool that doesn't allow Tesla owners to run out of range on long trips by routing them via Superchargers. When we tried to leave Montreal on Monday morning, above, the navigation system tried to send us to the Tesla dealer to charge the car, even though I knew we had enough range to reach our first stop in Vermont.

On Monday morning, our buffet breakfast at the Hyatt Regency Montreal, the headquarters hotel for the International Jazz Festival, included a made-to-order vegetable-and-cheese omelet with skin-on potatoes and French green and white beans.

Saveur, the restaurant in the Hyatt Regency Montreal where the buffet breakfast is served.

The second revolution from Tesla: Putting the adventure back into vacation car travel

With no Tesla Superchargers between Albany, N.Y., and Montreal, Quebec, we stopped at the Basin Harbor Club, a resort on Lake Champlain in Vergennes, Vt. Owners of the Model S will find at least two Tesla Connectors, which charge the all-electric hatchback at the rate of 31 miles per hour, below. 

We had more than three hours to kill before setting off on the final leg of our trip from Hackensack, N.J., to Montreal for the International Jazz Festival.

Grass and soil are hardly the ideal parking surface. While we waited for our Model S to charge, we had lunch and then sat in front of the fire in the resort bar, listening to a player piano. Before we left, we made a reservation to stay at the Basin Harbor Club on our way back to New Jersey after July Fourth.

By VICTOR E. SASSON
EDITOR

Owners of the Model S can still tear up the highways on their vacations, speed into service areas and race to the bathroom, their bladders about to burst.

If they have Tesla Superchargers to rely on, that is.

But on our trip from Hackensack, N.J., to Montreal on Saturday, we found only one Supercharger on the most direct route, and it was slower than I expected.

That stop lasted about 90 minutes to add 110 miles of range and have a bowl of soup at the Whole Foods Market in the Colonie Center, a big mall outside Albany, N.Y., with six free Superchargers. 

The Tesla app on my smart phone reported the Supercharger was adding 84 miles an hour, but when I first plugged in the car, the rate of charge was a lot slower, though increasing by the minute.

I had to stop outside Albany, because my Model S 60 has a maximum range of 208 miles and the distance to Montreal from our home is about 360 miles.

Lunch break in Vermont

Our second stop was at the Basin Harbor Club on Lake Champlain in northwest Vermont, where we found a Tesla Connector that charged our car at pretty much the same rate as the 240-volt outlet I had installed in my garage -- 31 miles an hour.

We started our third and final leg to Montreal about three and a half hours later, and had about 30 miles of range left when we pulled into the garage of the Hyatt Regency.

I didn't know at the time, but the Connectors at Basin Harbor are part of a network Tesla calls Destination Charging, where the company partners with hotels, restaurants, shopping centers and resorts "to make charging when you arrive at your destination as simple as charging at home."

See: Tesla's Destination Charging Network

The alternative to stopping in Vermont was to drive a circuitous route of Superchargers, going west in New York State, north to Canada's Ontario Province and then east to Montreal -- a driving time of more than 10 hours, and that's without break time.

Our drive was an adventure

Instead, we got to cross a gorgeous cantilevered bridge and drive over some twisting two-lane blacktop in Vermont, where we discovered a beautiful resort that may figure into future vacation plans.

We drove through farmland stretching to the horizon in Vermont and Quebec, a soothing landscape so different from the sea of brake lights we see on our congested, antiquated streets in North Jersey.

In Vermont, we were driving on a two-lane road and saw a white-haired man, who just got off a tractor, ambling to his mailbox, more or less with his back to us.

Then, he turned, flashed a smile and waved. 

And on Route 89 in Vermont, as we headed toward Canada, a Harley-Davidson rider pulled up in the fast lane, turned his head and gave me a thumbs up.

Most annoying?

The most annoying part of the trip wasn't the sluggish Supercharger outside Albany or the detour to reach the Tesla Connectors in Vermont.

It is what Tesla calls Range Assurance, which tries to route you via Superchargers when you enter a destination in the car's navigation system.

When we set out the 135-miles trip to the Colonie Center Superchargers, the Google Maps navigation system kept on sending us to the new one in Newburgh, N.Y., even though we started the trip with a rated range of 210 miles.

After we charged the Model S in Vermont, we couldn't set the Hyatt Regency Montreal as our final destination without repeated warnings there were no Superchargers on our route.

I had to use the Waze app on my phone to navigate to Montreal. 

Rue University in Montreal, not far from our destination, about 13 hours after we set out on Saturday morning. More than four hours of that time was spent charging the Model S.

As we approached Montreal, the sky took on a golden glow.

My lunch at the casual Red Mill Restaurant, part of the Basin Harbor Club in Vermont, included a tasty Lemon Chickpea Soup ($4 for a cup).

My wife had Sriracha Chicken Wings ($10) and Sweet Potato Fries ($2), which proved irresistible.

Red Mill Restaurant at the Basin Harbor Club.

Lake Champlain Bridge connects New York State and Vermont. In Canada, we drove over another Champlain Bridge to the island of Montreal.

We streamed Bob Marley and other reggae stars as we drove north on Route 87 in New York, a stretch of road that has no service areas and no Tesla Superchargers.

I saw three other Model S owners use one of the six Tesla Superchargers in the Colonie Center outside Albany, N.Y., close to the New York State Thruway. You'll see the Superchargers as soon as you turn into the mall's main entrance.

An 8-ounce cup of Portuguese White Bean and Kale Soup was $3.79 at the Whole Foods Market in the Colonie Center.

The Colonie Center uses waterless urinals.